Dear Diary,
That man who has poisoned my home home with his presence now lies burning on the embers of hell, for he could not possibly be anyplace else. I am so stunned at this news that the joy of his absence hasn't quite become real to me as of yet. I cannot believe that he is gone at this moment, though. We had only talked an hour or so ago. I had informed him of the money that he will receive if he leaves this place and never comes back. It took much bribing, but he finally took it. I had only departed from him for upwards about ten minutes when I heard a gunshot. I didn't think a thing of it until I returned to the house. When I opened the doors, everyone had a panicked look on their faces. Someone had mentioned that a stranger had witnessed some injury. It took the crowd some time before they left, but when they did my mind was speeding through an endless wonder of what happened. It took some time, I had fallen asleep, before the crowd came back. When they did though, I was informed of the murder of James. I hope that no one suspects me of ridding the earth of this terrible being; that fear was the first thought that came into my mind. I had been with him what seemed like only moments before, and now he was gone! Mrs. Powell surely suspects it to be me, for she kept reminding the crowd of my absence. I do love my husband though, for he attempted to protect my name over and again. I informed my big pet that I will abide by the law if I was called to it. I have done nothing wrong, and surely there is no evidence to prove that I have. Oh, these days! Oh, these strenuous moments of agony! Will I ever be able to rid of this man that fooled me so long ago? The man whom I had assumed was dead has died again, but now my name will surely be paired with it. My hope is to find someone who can figure out what will be the best course for me to take.
Dear Diary,
This morning I sat in anguish as I awaited the news from the inquest. I waited with such a gut-wrenching feeling that John would find out my secret that nothing was able to satisfy the burning anticipation. That is, until that fool, the one people call the Softy, came bustling up to my window. My good dog nearly ripped him to shreds, but I kept the animal off him, only to hear what news he had brought to me. The half-wit was the being that delivered the news of my husband finding out my horrible first marriage, which only makes it known that my dear John Mellish is not my husband. I have wronged him. I have taken advantage of him, when all he did was bow down to me! I could never look him in the face again, so I left. I had to! I left my dear boy a note of apology and reason of my leaving. Then, I went to the only place I could think of- my perfect Lucy's. She will surely comfort me, and I will receive advice from Talbot! Yes, that's what I will do! He is an honorable man and will lead me only to do what is best and right in this situation. If he tells me to leave my one true husband and hide my face in shame, then that is what I shall do. I hope I do not ever hear those words from his lips, but if they come through I will obey. I will obey, for the first time, a man who holds my future in his hands.
Dear Diary,
My secret has been delivered to Talbot. After I told him, my dear Lucy sat and comforted me when she did not even know the story of my anguish. She truly is something to be adored. How Talbot did so much better with her than he ever could have done with me. She only obeys what Talbot says, unlike how I have treated my dear John. He has been my pet for so long, but now I fear I must be his or he can never forgive me.
Dear Diary,
Talbot surely is a good man! He has told me to keep the love alive that has kept my husband with me for so long. He told us to get a legal marriage, and we are sure to do so immediately! Oh, how happy I am! Surely nothing can bring me a truer happiness than what I feel right as of this moment!
Dear Diary,
Today my husband admitted to me that he accuses me of the murdering that devil. I could not believe it, at least not at first. My own husband, turned against me! It struck me so suddenly, that my reaction was sure to be enough to prove to him and Talbot, who had come to our home, that I was not the murderer. This admittance does explain the dreary mood that has lingered in my home since we arrived back at Mellish Park. I am sure that all has past now, that my husband loves me again! All we need to do is convince the rest of the town. The only way we can do that is by finding the true murderer-my hero-and bring an end to this misery!
Dear Diary,
That half-wit! That mongrel! That chewed-up and spat-out piece of trash! Stephen Hargraves has been brought to justice with the murder of James! He'd seen the cash and tried to take it, but Talbot caught him! Caught him right before he attempted to flee! Oh what joy! This will all be put behind me now and I will forever be able to live my life with my husband! Oh good day, good day!
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Can't Hide Forever
Dear Diary,
Remember when I had spoken awhile ago about John Pastern's referral to the best trainer? One that John and I could trust in keeping our horses? Today my dear John opened a letter from this respectable man, but the contents were too much for me to bear! The letter consisted of the horrible man who haunts my dreams and continues to keep a wedge between my husband and I. Mr. James Conyers is coming back to life, and I am not sure how to deal with it yet. All of the ways he hurt me are now coming back, and I cannot even tell my father to help me out of this situation because he believes that my first husband is dead, as did I. The way I reacted in front of my true husband was quite humiliating, but I do not think that my sweet caught on to my secret that is sadly entangled with that monster. I passed out right in front of him and am now laying in my bed. I told him to let me rest here, but surely sleep will not be of any use to me tonight. That gorgeous nightmare is coming back to haunt me, but there must be something that I can do! Sadly I have no one to talk to for I was too ashamed to share this horrid secret with anyone who came into my path. If only I could treat him like one of the deer that has crossed my path in the woods. They both are beautiful on the outside, but on the inside their minds are full of nothing. Nothing but wishes to keep themselves alive and ahead of everything else. Both aren't missed as much when they are gone, so surely I am doing the world a favor. The world is already in abundance of these sickly creatures, so ridding it of only one would benefit the ground and those that would have to cross their paths in the future. I'm sure I will figure out what to do, I have been able to live my life thus far before hearing of this muff. Surely there is something that will save me from the humiliation that he is going to bring.
Dear Diary,
I have been severely ill the past few days, trying to figure out what I shall do with my circumstances. Conyers will surely be here soon, but I wish not to see him. I think I must make myself even more ill so I may get out of town to discover my plans for this upcoming meeting with that wretched man. I think to write a note for the bastard would be smart; surely he has no idea that I call Mellish Park home. The note that I will write him will be simple, because if anyone, especially that wicked old woman Mrs. Powell, sees it, I will certainly be digging my own grave. I do not believe that my true husband will suspect anything, he is as oblivious to the connection as my dear cousin Lucy is oblivious to the track. I will inform him of my living arrangements here, and that I am now married to a much better fit man for my life. I know that this cowardly fellow will not keep his mouth shut unless I give him money, so that is something that I will discuss with him at a later time. I plan to finish with the fact that he may express no surprise. I feel that if I sign my name, someone will be able to figure out my secret, so an A should fit for now.
Dear Diary,
OH! HOW I HATE THAT MAN!!! My discontent with him has risen two-fold! Not only has he disgraced my dwelling with his own appearance, but he has brought back that half-wit which I have a pure hate for and had been banished from this property by my husband. Tonight, I was in my garden when I heard a rustling in the grass. That was the moment that held my meeting with the idiot and brought to light his new abode with the trainer. He brought with him a note, one that makes me hate that devil more than I realized was possible. He told me that he would only keep our secret if I payed him two thousand pounds within the week. I grew angry and wanted to scream at the baboon that stared blankly at me, but while I do not like him, he doesn't deserve as much hatred as the other fellow does. I had to agree with Conyers' terms, though. I cannot have my secret come to light. John simply cannot see that I have taken out that amount of money and his trainer is suddenly two thousand pounds richer. I will need to meet with my papa and get my money from him.
Dear Diary,
I have met with my father tonight. Oh, what a stubborn old fool he can be. All I asked of him was the money, and he tried to implore me for new information. He even went as far as thinking I had grown tired of my faithful puppet to go in search of a new one! What a silly man, my dear John is too good to me. He deserves nothing of my old life, my youthful mistake. Neither do! What a foolish haunting that has come back. Nonetheless, it shall be gone in the morning when my clueless father has given me my money. The money that will bind this horror into secrecy forever.
Remember when I had spoken awhile ago about John Pastern's referral to the best trainer? One that John and I could trust in keeping our horses? Today my dear John opened a letter from this respectable man, but the contents were too much for me to bear! The letter consisted of the horrible man who haunts my dreams and continues to keep a wedge between my husband and I. Mr. James Conyers is coming back to life, and I am not sure how to deal with it yet. All of the ways he hurt me are now coming back, and I cannot even tell my father to help me out of this situation because he believes that my first husband is dead, as did I. The way I reacted in front of my true husband was quite humiliating, but I do not think that my sweet caught on to my secret that is sadly entangled with that monster. I passed out right in front of him and am now laying in my bed. I told him to let me rest here, but surely sleep will not be of any use to me tonight. That gorgeous nightmare is coming back to haunt me, but there must be something that I can do! Sadly I have no one to talk to for I was too ashamed to share this horrid secret with anyone who came into my path. If only I could treat him like one of the deer that has crossed my path in the woods. They both are beautiful on the outside, but on the inside their minds are full of nothing. Nothing but wishes to keep themselves alive and ahead of everything else. Both aren't missed as much when they are gone, so surely I am doing the world a favor. The world is already in abundance of these sickly creatures, so ridding it of only one would benefit the ground and those that would have to cross their paths in the future. I'm sure I will figure out what to do, I have been able to live my life thus far before hearing of this muff. Surely there is something that will save me from the humiliation that he is going to bring.
Dear Diary,
I have been severely ill the past few days, trying to figure out what I shall do with my circumstances. Conyers will surely be here soon, but I wish not to see him. I think I must make myself even more ill so I may get out of town to discover my plans for this upcoming meeting with that wretched man. I think to write a note for the bastard would be smart; surely he has no idea that I call Mellish Park home. The note that I will write him will be simple, because if anyone, especially that wicked old woman Mrs. Powell, sees it, I will certainly be digging my own grave. I do not believe that my true husband will suspect anything, he is as oblivious to the connection as my dear cousin Lucy is oblivious to the track. I will inform him of my living arrangements here, and that I am now married to a much better fit man for my life. I know that this cowardly fellow will not keep his mouth shut unless I give him money, so that is something that I will discuss with him at a later time. I plan to finish with the fact that he may express no surprise. I feel that if I sign my name, someone will be able to figure out my secret, so an A should fit for now.
Dear Diary,
OH! HOW I HATE THAT MAN!!! My discontent with him has risen two-fold! Not only has he disgraced my dwelling with his own appearance, but he has brought back that half-wit which I have a pure hate for and had been banished from this property by my husband. Tonight, I was in my garden when I heard a rustling in the grass. That was the moment that held my meeting with the idiot and brought to light his new abode with the trainer. He brought with him a note, one that makes me hate that devil more than I realized was possible. He told me that he would only keep our secret if I payed him two thousand pounds within the week. I grew angry and wanted to scream at the baboon that stared blankly at me, but while I do not like him, he doesn't deserve as much hatred as the other fellow does. I had to agree with Conyers' terms, though. I cannot have my secret come to light. John simply cannot see that I have taken out that amount of money and his trainer is suddenly two thousand pounds richer. I will need to meet with my papa and get my money from him.
Dear Diary,
I have met with my father tonight. Oh, what a stubborn old fool he can be. All I asked of him was the money, and he tried to implore me for new information. He even went as far as thinking I had grown tired of my faithful puppet to go in search of a new one! What a silly man, my dear John is too good to me. He deserves nothing of my old life, my youthful mistake. Neither do! What a foolish haunting that has come back. Nonetheless, it shall be gone in the morning when my clueless father has given me my money. The money that will bind this horror into secrecy forever.
Friday, March 22, 2013
Surprise! James isn't who he said he was!
Dear Diary,
While I love the man I married, something seems to be a bit off lately. I often have talked to him about going back to the races since I had such a lovely time with him earlier this week, but he refuses. He has even gone as far as calling me a pretty horse-breaker. How could he say such a thing to me? He also mentions that he needs money for things that he cannot tell me of so suddenly. He could possibly be planning something for me, but James does not do such things. Rather he comes home to me slurring his words and occasionally roughing with me. He never did such things before we signed the license. My dear James, I love you so, but such things mustn't carry on. I am weary of scolding him for doing such things to me, but he does not listen. What am I to do? I cannot think to even tell my father, for he will grow angry toward me and never speak to me again. Oh, if only I had obeyed my father, I could be sitting with him now instead of wondering what could be of this wretched thing I have done!
Dear Diary,
I decided to write to my father immediately after my last writing here. I am right now waiting for what my father has to say. I have also decided to leave James. I cannot look at him the same anymore. He has admitted to falling in love with another woman whom he met while getting a drink the other night. My heart is broken. I am going to leave this house because surely he is not my prince or any prince at all! He surely used me, and I feel so foolish! Where am I to go, though? I do not feel that I am welcome back at the Rue Saint-Dominique. I feel so ashamed, How could I do this to my father? How could I do this to my late mother who gave me the breath of life when she could no longer keep it! I have shamed my father's name! I have shamed everyone in Feldon! I cannot show my face there again! Where am I to go, what am I to do? I wish my father would write back soon; I feel so foolish.
Dear Diary,
My father has written back to me, but he wishes not to see me. Not until my name is to be changed back to Floyd. I spoke to James with my father's news, but he refuses to listen. Instead, he shares with me that he declines to hear anymore of my senseless request. All he wants from me is the riches that I keep in my purse. I am so ashamed. I have ruined my father! He will not enjoy my letter that I am to write him tonight. My hands already shake as the words fill my mind with what I am to say to my father. I love him so, how could I break my father's heart like this! I need to get this over with; he needs to know the situation and advise me further. I am to write him now!
Dear Diary,
I told my father of the tale that has unfolded, and he has advised me to do as follows. I am to tell James to rid of the license that has legally bound us together. He then proceeded to inform James of the money that he could receive if he leaves to Australia within the week. I am to tell him now of what my father has promised, and I shall write of his reply shortly!
...
He has refused to go! My father's insane amount of reward to him will not satisfy his wants! I cannot believe this, what a sinful, horrible man is he! Surely he will not be convinced to leave, and I will be forever reminded of my folly with him! My life is to always be connected to this fool's life for as long as I live. He does not love me, and he never will. My heart has been ripped from my chest; I simply cannot go on without the love of him or my father.
(One year later)
Dear Diary,
I have been back and forth between James and a hotel that has been my home for the past months without my father's knowledge. I have not written him much since the episode of me finding out about Mr. Conyers' cruel game, but I think I may have finally found a way out of his control. Yesterday, while we were riding around in the carriage arguing, James left to spend some of my father's money. While he was gone, a stranger came to me and spoke of how the law could be on my side. I was able to call upon an anachronism. While the idea was pleasing to thine ear, I could not shame my father's name more. Instead, when I left James, I knew it would be for good. I plan to write my husband of my plan of officially leaving him. I am to go home to my father immediately. I will be able to do this because I will inform my father of my husband's death. James needs not to worry; I have no intentions to kill that bastard, but it will be as if I had. I am telling him that I will continue to provide his greedy hands with enough money as to not bother me evermore! I will leave the letter addressed to James at the front, and will immediately send to my father an article of this horrid man's death. Then all should be at peace, and I will be able to go to the day's when I possessed my father's love. Oh! What a happy day it will be!
While I love the man I married, something seems to be a bit off lately. I often have talked to him about going back to the races since I had such a lovely time with him earlier this week, but he refuses. He has even gone as far as calling me a pretty horse-breaker. How could he say such a thing to me? He also mentions that he needs money for things that he cannot tell me of so suddenly. He could possibly be planning something for me, but James does not do such things. Rather he comes home to me slurring his words and occasionally roughing with me. He never did such things before we signed the license. My dear James, I love you so, but such things mustn't carry on. I am weary of scolding him for doing such things to me, but he does not listen. What am I to do? I cannot think to even tell my father, for he will grow angry toward me and never speak to me again. Oh, if only I had obeyed my father, I could be sitting with him now instead of wondering what could be of this wretched thing I have done!
Dear Diary,
I decided to write to my father immediately after my last writing here. I am right now waiting for what my father has to say. I have also decided to leave James. I cannot look at him the same anymore. He has admitted to falling in love with another woman whom he met while getting a drink the other night. My heart is broken. I am going to leave this house because surely he is not my prince or any prince at all! He surely used me, and I feel so foolish! Where am I to go, though? I do not feel that I am welcome back at the Rue Saint-Dominique. I feel so ashamed, How could I do this to my father? How could I do this to my late mother who gave me the breath of life when she could no longer keep it! I have shamed my father's name! I have shamed everyone in Feldon! I cannot show my face there again! Where am I to go, what am I to do? I wish my father would write back soon; I feel so foolish.
Dear Diary,
My father has written back to me, but he wishes not to see me. Not until my name is to be changed back to Floyd. I spoke to James with my father's news, but he refuses to listen. Instead, he shares with me that he declines to hear anymore of my senseless request. All he wants from me is the riches that I keep in my purse. I am so ashamed. I have ruined my father! He will not enjoy my letter that I am to write him tonight. My hands already shake as the words fill my mind with what I am to say to my father. I love him so, how could I break my father's heart like this! I need to get this over with; he needs to know the situation and advise me further. I am to write him now!
Dear Diary,
I told my father of the tale that has unfolded, and he has advised me to do as follows. I am to tell James to rid of the license that has legally bound us together. He then proceeded to inform James of the money that he could receive if he leaves to Australia within the week. I am to tell him now of what my father has promised, and I shall write of his reply shortly!
...
He has refused to go! My father's insane amount of reward to him will not satisfy his wants! I cannot believe this, what a sinful, horrible man is he! Surely he will not be convinced to leave, and I will be forever reminded of my folly with him! My life is to always be connected to this fool's life for as long as I live. He does not love me, and he never will. My heart has been ripped from my chest; I simply cannot go on without the love of him or my father.
(One year later)
Dear Diary,
I have been back and forth between James and a hotel that has been my home for the past months without my father's knowledge. I have not written him much since the episode of me finding out about Mr. Conyers' cruel game, but I think I may have finally found a way out of his control. Yesterday, while we were riding around in the carriage arguing, James left to spend some of my father's money. While he was gone, a stranger came to me and spoke of how the law could be on my side. I was able to call upon an anachronism. While the idea was pleasing to thine ear, I could not shame my father's name more. Instead, when I left James, I knew it would be for good. I plan to write my husband of my plan of officially leaving him. I am to go home to my father immediately. I will be able to do this because I will inform my father of my husband's death. James needs not to worry; I have no intentions to kill that bastard, but it will be as if I had. I am telling him that I will continue to provide his greedy hands with enough money as to not bother me evermore! I will leave the letter addressed to James at the front, and will immediately send to my father an article of this horrid man's death. Then all should be at peace, and I will be able to go to the day's when I possessed my father's love. Oh! What a happy day it will be!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
When Aurora marries James
Dear Diary,
My father recently hired a new groom to watch his horses. His name is James Conyers, or at least that's what my maid has told me. He's a dazzling fellow with a beautifully proportioned figure. It seems as if his features have been perfectly chiseled onto a canvas, which would have taken days! I get lost in his dark-blue eyes which are perfectly bordered by the thick black lashes which fringe them. Oh! His smile! His handsome smile which I wish will talk to me and even woo me if I please! If only he'd notice me; I'd do anything to get him to notice me! Maybe I could start a conversation about the horse races; I think he'd like that. He is taking care of my horses now as I sit and write about him. Oh, what a beautiful man. If only he'd notice me.
(a few weeks later)
Dear Diary,
Today, James and I went riding in the woods together for the second time this week! He's a lovely fellow to talk to. He even shares my passion for the horse races; he says he goes there often. Oh, I do hope to go there sometime by his side! I have also told him of my interest in hunting, and he encourages me about it. It's an unusual feature from a man, to be so supportive of such a fancy, but he claims to fancy it.
James even told me of how he came to be here-which I cannot believe! First, he tells me he is of royal blood. I did not believe him right away, but then he proceeded to tell me of his father, the King, and how no one appreciated him. He decided to leave in disguise as what he is now, a groom. The poor fellow has been spat upon by his own people and ill-used in the battle of life. He says he has run away for he felt hampered in his own dwelling.
I often talk to my governess about James. She seems to enjoy him as much as I, but she knows not to touch him. She sees that he is much better than the other men who come about here at Feldon. I know she would never try to take him from me; she is too much of a dear friend of mine. She has also read some of the letters that he has written me. He writes with such a passion that I cannot get him off of my mind.
I do feel that I cannot talk to my lovely cousin Lucy about this. I feel that she will reject our coupling. While I love her endlessly, she has a judgement upon me that makes me uneasy. She does not believe in true love as I do, and what I feel for James cannot be anything but such feelings! Oh, I wish Lucy would someday find someone who can put up with her mundane ways. She deserves to be as happy as I feel!
Dear Diary,
James has asked me to marry him! I cannot believe it! Can you imagine it? I trust we shall be a beautiful pair! Oh, this smile on my face will not disappear! The ring is a wonderful symbol of my love for him. It is simple yet elegant, and I cannot take my eyes off of it. I showed my governess and she could not be more excited for me! The only problem now is my father. I do not think that he will approve of James. To my wonderful but ignorant father, James is no more than an employee of the house. He is only supposed to take care of the horses and feed the animals, but he does such a wonderful job of it! Surely my dear old father will approve, he has never said no to me before and I am sincere to it that he will give me approval now! I feel I must speak to James before I speak to my father, though. He will surely know how to help me break the news.
Dear Diary,
I cannot stop crying. My father has found out about James and I! When I had gone out on my ride with him today, we discussed that we would not tell him. We would just get married. That was the first time James kissed me in such a passionate way. I may have also done something with him that would be a disgrace to my father, but I will not tell him. Yesterday my father must have somehow found out and he yelled at me! As James and I returned from our ride, which was much longer than we realized, my father immediately brought me to his study. He then proceeded to tell me to start packing-I'm going to Paris! At first I was ecstatic! Despite the long ride, I have always heard amazing stories of the city. My father went on to say that I will be staying there, alone, to go to a Protestant finishing school. I argued that he must be jeering with me, for he does threaten me when my governess and I get behind on work, but he has never fallen through. He gave me such a stern look that I knew he must be serious. We argued for what seemed to be an eternity, then I left him. The next day my father dismissed my governess and James-my betrothed! James secretly came to me that night and we went one last time with our horses through the woods. He promised he will not let me go because he cannot, he needs me like I need him. If only my father knew of our love. Tomorrow I leave, and I am terrified. I believe that James really will come for me, and if he does, I am going to leave that school and never look back! I don't need my father or anyone but James!
Dear Diary,
I hate my life here. I cannot keep up with these women who work so hard. My governess has only taught me the half of these studies and only to their lesser extent. I miss my dear James! The way he held me in the woods is a memory that I simply cannot get out of my mind. He does write to me often, though. He says he will follow me here. He warrants that he will get me out of this prison and fulfill the promise he had once given me. I miss him so dearly that it makes this school only the harder. How can this be? How could my father do this to me? James is the only man in the world who understands me and can love me for what I am. Be it what it would, I cannot wait for James to come find me and marry me. These walls are too small, and my heart's song cannot be heard. Oh James! Please hurry my dear love!
Dear Diary,
This is the first I write in here as Aurora Conyers. It has a lovely ring to it, don't you think? Yesterday, James came to my door and greeted me with such passion that I cannot even describe it! He is such a wonderful lover! He then proceeded to tell me that he had bribed people of the school not to tell anyone about me disappearing. I didn't understand at first, but then realized that he meant he was taking me away. We were about to start our lives as husband and wife! He told me to use the money that my father was sending me and to spend it on a nice dress for me and to give him some so he could look nice, and Oh! Did he ever! We ventured out to find a marriage license and became hitched right after.
Today we plan on spending our day at the races. I am thrilled to finally be James's partner here. I do not know how to break the news to my father, but surely he will understand. He was once in love once, too.
My father recently hired a new groom to watch his horses. His name is James Conyers, or at least that's what my maid has told me. He's a dazzling fellow with a beautifully proportioned figure. It seems as if his features have been perfectly chiseled onto a canvas, which would have taken days! I get lost in his dark-blue eyes which are perfectly bordered by the thick black lashes which fringe them. Oh! His smile! His handsome smile which I wish will talk to me and even woo me if I please! If only he'd notice me; I'd do anything to get him to notice me! Maybe I could start a conversation about the horse races; I think he'd like that. He is taking care of my horses now as I sit and write about him. Oh, what a beautiful man. If only he'd notice me.
(a few weeks later)
Dear Diary,
Today, James and I went riding in the woods together for the second time this week! He's a lovely fellow to talk to. He even shares my passion for the horse races; he says he goes there often. Oh, I do hope to go there sometime by his side! I have also told him of my interest in hunting, and he encourages me about it. It's an unusual feature from a man, to be so supportive of such a fancy, but he claims to fancy it.
James even told me of how he came to be here-which I cannot believe! First, he tells me he is of royal blood. I did not believe him right away, but then he proceeded to tell me of his father, the King, and how no one appreciated him. He decided to leave in disguise as what he is now, a groom. The poor fellow has been spat upon by his own people and ill-used in the battle of life. He says he has run away for he felt hampered in his own dwelling.
I often talk to my governess about James. She seems to enjoy him as much as I, but she knows not to touch him. She sees that he is much better than the other men who come about here at Feldon. I know she would never try to take him from me; she is too much of a dear friend of mine. She has also read some of the letters that he has written me. He writes with such a passion that I cannot get him off of my mind.
I do feel that I cannot talk to my lovely cousin Lucy about this. I feel that she will reject our coupling. While I love her endlessly, she has a judgement upon me that makes me uneasy. She does not believe in true love as I do, and what I feel for James cannot be anything but such feelings! Oh, I wish Lucy would someday find someone who can put up with her mundane ways. She deserves to be as happy as I feel!
Dear Diary,
James has asked me to marry him! I cannot believe it! Can you imagine it? I trust we shall be a beautiful pair! Oh, this smile on my face will not disappear! The ring is a wonderful symbol of my love for him. It is simple yet elegant, and I cannot take my eyes off of it. I showed my governess and she could not be more excited for me! The only problem now is my father. I do not think that he will approve of James. To my wonderful but ignorant father, James is no more than an employee of the house. He is only supposed to take care of the horses and feed the animals, but he does such a wonderful job of it! Surely my dear old father will approve, he has never said no to me before and I am sincere to it that he will give me approval now! I feel I must speak to James before I speak to my father, though. He will surely know how to help me break the news.
Dear Diary,
I cannot stop crying. My father has found out about James and I! When I had gone out on my ride with him today, we discussed that we would not tell him. We would just get married. That was the first time James kissed me in such a passionate way. I may have also done something with him that would be a disgrace to my father, but I will not tell him. Yesterday my father must have somehow found out and he yelled at me! As James and I returned from our ride, which was much longer than we realized, my father immediately brought me to his study. He then proceeded to tell me to start packing-I'm going to Paris! At first I was ecstatic! Despite the long ride, I have always heard amazing stories of the city. My father went on to say that I will be staying there, alone, to go to a Protestant finishing school. I argued that he must be jeering with me, for he does threaten me when my governess and I get behind on work, but he has never fallen through. He gave me such a stern look that I knew he must be serious. We argued for what seemed to be an eternity, then I left him. The next day my father dismissed my governess and James-my betrothed! James secretly came to me that night and we went one last time with our horses through the woods. He promised he will not let me go because he cannot, he needs me like I need him. If only my father knew of our love. Tomorrow I leave, and I am terrified. I believe that James really will come for me, and if he does, I am going to leave that school and never look back! I don't need my father or anyone but James!
Dear Diary,
I hate my life here. I cannot keep up with these women who work so hard. My governess has only taught me the half of these studies and only to their lesser extent. I miss my dear James! The way he held me in the woods is a memory that I simply cannot get out of my mind. He does write to me often, though. He says he will follow me here. He warrants that he will get me out of this prison and fulfill the promise he had once given me. I miss him so dearly that it makes this school only the harder. How can this be? How could my father do this to me? James is the only man in the world who understands me and can love me for what I am. Be it what it would, I cannot wait for James to come find me and marry me. These walls are too small, and my heart's song cannot be heard. Oh James! Please hurry my dear love!
Dear Diary,
This is the first I write in here as Aurora Conyers. It has a lovely ring to it, don't you think? Yesterday, James came to my door and greeted me with such passion that I cannot even describe it! He is such a wonderful lover! He then proceeded to tell me that he had bribed people of the school not to tell anyone about me disappearing. I didn't understand at first, but then realized that he meant he was taking me away. We were about to start our lives as husband and wife! He told me to use the money that my father was sending me and to spend it on a nice dress for me and to give him some so he could look nice, and Oh! Did he ever! We ventured out to find a marriage license and became hitched right after.
Today we plan on spending our day at the races. I am thrilled to finally be James's partner here. I do not know how to break the news to my father, but surely he will understand. He was once in love once, too.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Why am I doing this?
This is the point where I will explain exactly what I am doing in this blog. In the book Aurora Floyd by Mary Elizabeth Braddon, the main character is Aurora Floyd. It's a wonderful book filled with secrets, murder, marriage, and many other things. I personally loved this book, but I can't quite put my finger on why. Maybe it was the way that Braddon wrote the novel, painting a picture in my mind of exactly what was going on, or maybe it was the beautiful heroine that lived an unfitting lifestyle. Whatever it was, the book was hard to put down.
Anyway, what I want to do with this blog is to try and imagine what it would be like to get inside of Aurora Floyd's mind when all of these events are going on. I am going to take some of the most intense parts, which are my favorite passages, and write them down as if Mrs. Floyd was writing them in her own words. I really hope you enjoy this blog, and I will work hard to make you believe that the words I type actually came from the beautiful black-eyed woman that is the main character in this book!
Anyway, what I want to do with this blog is to try and imagine what it would be like to get inside of Aurora Floyd's mind when all of these events are going on. I am going to take some of the most intense parts, which are my favorite passages, and write them down as if Mrs. Floyd was writing them in her own words. I really hope you enjoy this blog, and I will work hard to make you believe that the words I type actually came from the beautiful black-eyed woman that is the main character in this book!
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